The Four Keys to Becoming and Being a Great Lover: A Four-Part Series
Karen Brody, CMT, MA
Key III of IV: The Third Key to Becoming and Being a Great Lover.
Feel What You Feel
In order to open your heart as a lover, you must be willing to feel what you truly feel.
Sometimes what you feel may not be what you want to be feeling. Maybe what you are feeling is discomfort. Maybe it’s disgust, fear, or pain. Maybe you just wish that what you’re feeling was different than it truly is, or that it would just go away.
When you’re willing to simply accept and fully experience whatever you feel at any moment, without denying it or hastening to try to make it go away, that feeling can be felt and transformed by your love. Contrarily, when you deny what you feel or run from it by fantasizing, or by climaxing during lovemaking in order to take your attention off of your feelings, or by using any other common method of escape to avoid feeling your emotions, you miss out on the opportunity to heal and to learn from your feelings.
In the feeling realm, what you bypass will always come back to be felt. So when you avoid or deny what you’re feeling in any moment, you’ve simply pushed the “delay” button on your inner growth by not allowing yourself to fully feel what you feel right now.
What we are willing to feel is felt, not intellectualized. Feelings are like signposts that give us clues about when we’re “on” or “off” our spiritual course. When you heed your feelings and bring loving awareness to them, there is learning and growth. There is a sense of clear direction. A willingness to truly feel what you feel means that you are always “on course” in your loving.
When you can really feel what you feel when you are making love, you bring healing to the parts of you that hurt, or are disowned, and you invite wholeness. You create space inside of you to love even more.
In order to facilitate this level of healing and connection, make love by gazing deeply into your lover’s eyes. If you feel uncomfortable as you do this, stay present to that feeling by breathing into your discomfort. Feelings that you accept by staying present to them will heal most quickly.
Learning to be with what you feel is also often about learning to fully accept the feelings of pleasure that you feel. Yes, we run from pleasure, too! Oftentimes orgasm is an “escape hatch.” By pushing toward climax, you can miss out on the opportunity to connect with your lover -- fully with your heart, and with the power and love that exists for you in the moment.
Something key to know about being present to your feelings is that there is a space that occurs somewhere between arousal and climax - a “valley,” if you will. This valley is a space to explore your emotions and your pleasure, and also your blocks to pleasure. This is the place and time to be with your feelings and to practice letting go.
It is in this valley that you “surrender outcome.” You let go of the performance demands on your way of being and simply feel the feelings. You let go of “getting there,” and find the pleasure in where you are.
When you don’t allow yourself to fully feel what you feel in each moment, you cannot truly be with someone else, and you miss out on this deeper passage. You miss the healing, connection and fulfillment that sex and lovemaking is all about.
You want to verbalize an intention inside of youself to fully feel your feelings – in each and every moment -- including, and especially when you are making love, and take up the practice of feeling what is present breath by breath. The willingness to feel what you feel leads to lovemaking that is authentic and present, and not influenced by expectations or goals.
Karen Brody, CMT, MA
Key III of IV: The Third Key to Becoming and Being a Great Lover.
Feel What You Feel
In order to open your heart as a lover, you must be willing to feel what you truly feel.
Sometimes what you feel may not be what you want to be feeling. Maybe what you are feeling is discomfort. Maybe it’s disgust, fear, or pain. Maybe you just wish that what you’re feeling was different than it truly is, or that it would just go away.
When you’re willing to simply accept and fully experience whatever you feel at any moment, without denying it or hastening to try to make it go away, that feeling can be felt and transformed by your love. Contrarily, when you deny what you feel or run from it by fantasizing, or by climaxing during lovemaking in order to take your attention off of your feelings, or by using any other common method of escape to avoid feeling your emotions, you miss out on the opportunity to heal and to learn from your feelings.
In the feeling realm, what you bypass will always come back to be felt. So when you avoid or deny what you’re feeling in any moment, you’ve simply pushed the “delay” button on your inner growth by not allowing yourself to fully feel what you feel right now.
What we are willing to feel is felt, not intellectualized. Feelings are like signposts that give us clues about when we’re “on” or “off” our spiritual course. When you heed your feelings and bring loving awareness to them, there is learning and growth. There is a sense of clear direction. A willingness to truly feel what you feel means that you are always “on course” in your loving.
When you can really feel what you feel when you are making love, you bring healing to the parts of you that hurt, or are disowned, and you invite wholeness. You create space inside of you to love even more.
In order to facilitate this level of healing and connection, make love by gazing deeply into your lover’s eyes. If you feel uncomfortable as you do this, stay present to that feeling by breathing into your discomfort. Feelings that you accept by staying present to them will heal most quickly.
Learning to be with what you feel is also often about learning to fully accept the feelings of pleasure that you feel. Yes, we run from pleasure, too! Oftentimes orgasm is an “escape hatch.” By pushing toward climax, you can miss out on the opportunity to connect with your lover -- fully with your heart, and with the power and love that exists for you in the moment.
Something key to know about being present to your feelings is that there is a space that occurs somewhere between arousal and climax - a “valley,” if you will. This valley is a space to explore your emotions and your pleasure, and also your blocks to pleasure. This is the place and time to be with your feelings and to practice letting go.
It is in this valley that you “surrender outcome.” You let go of the performance demands on your way of being and simply feel the feelings. You let go of “getting there,” and find the pleasure in where you are.
When you don’t allow yourself to fully feel what you feel in each moment, you cannot truly be with someone else, and you miss out on this deeper passage. You miss the healing, connection and fulfillment that sex and lovemaking is all about.
You want to verbalize an intention inside of youself to fully feel your feelings – in each and every moment -- including, and especially when you are making love, and take up the practice of feeling what is present breath by breath. The willingness to feel what you feel leads to lovemaking that is authentic and present, and not influenced by expectations or goals.
The Four Keys to Becoming and Being a Great Lover: A Four-Part Series
Karen Brody, CMT, MA
Key III of IV: The Third Key to Becoming and Being a Great Lover.
Be Present
Essentially, to be present is to be here, now. It seems pretty simple and straightforward. Yet being fully present eludes most of us.
In bed we're often somewhere else. In Tahiti; with another partner, at the office. Most of us are missing out on the sexual experience that is available right here, right now. And until we're fully present, our experience will lack the true richness of the moment.
Is it difficult to be present? Not exactly. But it requires understanding something about your mind.
At times it may seem to you that your thoughts are "thinking you." Have you ever said: "I can't stop thinking?" Then you're aware of what I'm talking about. So I'll invite you to reconsider the belief that your thoughts are in charge.
In actuality, you choose to engage with certain thoughts. You may have a pattern of thoughts that SEEM to choose you and have exclusive rights to your brain. But once you start to notice your thoughts through greater attentiveness, a very different reality emerges.
Osho (a Spiritual Master) taught a meditation that sheds light on this idea. It's called the "Blue Sky Meditation." This is an easy exercise that I encourage you to allow yourself to experience right now.
In a relaxed state, imagine your mind as a vast blue sky. The sky is empty, silent and blue. See the vast blue sky. Feel the peacefulness of the vast blue sky.
Now imagine one white cloud coming across that vast, blue sky. There's no need to do anything about the cloud. You just notice it. It hangs there peacefully.
The sky is your peaceful, empty mind. The cloud represents an isolated thought. This is how thoughts are when brought into awareness. They are present one at a time, and there is enough space between them for you to choose the thoughts that serve you.
When you get into bed with your lover, you might notice thinking taking over. Often fears of intimacy lead to thinking; habit also leads to thinking. Even thinking: "Wow, this feels so good! She's amazing!" can pop you out of the actual experience of fully doing and fully sensing.
What happens when you're focused on your thinking is that your "presence" is diminished. A diminishment of presence can have many consequences, e.g. premature ejaculation, inability to climax or lack of intimate connection with your partner.
When you're not fully present, what you feel and how you touch has less potency. If you're thinking about how to do something well, you're diminishing your results too.
If you want what's truly possible in your relationship and in your lovemaking, you want to just
"be" - to let go of your thoughts and simply be in the flow of the moment.
The key to being present - being in the flow - is simple.
Just focus first on your breathing. Focus on taking deep, slow, filling breaths. As your breath becomes slower and fuller, allow your focus to move from your breath to whatever is present right here, right now.
If you're with your lover, begin by making presence your intention. You might silently say to yourself "My intention for this love making experience is to be totally present." This can be powerful, and even more so if you and your partner share it aloud.
Then gently experience yourself doing the following:
Consciously breathe in loving energy, creating a channel of openness from your genitals upward to and then through your top of your head, giving yourself permission to allow pleasure and to allow emotion.
Now, as you exhale, let fears, tension and the distracting thoughts go. Simply breathe out what is getting in your way.
I encourage you to practice this right now so that you can feel this experience of breathing in loving energy, and breathing out tension, fear and distraction. This is a powerful way to anchor yourself in your experience. "Breath focus" will quiet your mind.
This type of breath focus is also used in Steps One and Two of this series: "Heart-Centered Listening" and "Surrendering the Outcome." My encouragement is to practice these presence-enhancing skills in all of your encounters, whether sexual or not. Presence is not just cultivated in the bedroom, but in all of life.
Practice mastering being fully present in your daily conversations. Focus on your breath for A moment and then become fully present to THE moment. As you master presence in your daily life, presence and depth are assured in the bedroom!
All contents Copyright Karen Brody 2007. All rights reserved. Please contact the author for permission to reprint.
Karen Brody, CMT, MA
Key III of IV: The Third Key to Becoming and Being a Great Lover.
Be Present
Essentially, to be present is to be here, now. It seems pretty simple and straightforward. Yet being fully present eludes most of us.
In bed we're often somewhere else. In Tahiti; with another partner, at the office. Most of us are missing out on the sexual experience that is available right here, right now. And until we're fully present, our experience will lack the true richness of the moment.
Is it difficult to be present? Not exactly. But it requires understanding something about your mind.
At times it may seem to you that your thoughts are "thinking you." Have you ever said: "I can't stop thinking?" Then you're aware of what I'm talking about. So I'll invite you to reconsider the belief that your thoughts are in charge.
In actuality, you choose to engage with certain thoughts. You may have a pattern of thoughts that SEEM to choose you and have exclusive rights to your brain. But once you start to notice your thoughts through greater attentiveness, a very different reality emerges.
Osho (a Spiritual Master) taught a meditation that sheds light on this idea. It's called the "Blue Sky Meditation." This is an easy exercise that I encourage you to allow yourself to experience right now.
In a relaxed state, imagine your mind as a vast blue sky. The sky is empty, silent and blue. See the vast blue sky. Feel the peacefulness of the vast blue sky.
Now imagine one white cloud coming across that vast, blue sky. There's no need to do anything about the cloud. You just notice it. It hangs there peacefully.
The sky is your peaceful, empty mind. The cloud represents an isolated thought. This is how thoughts are when brought into awareness. They are present one at a time, and there is enough space between them for you to choose the thoughts that serve you.
When you get into bed with your lover, you might notice thinking taking over. Often fears of intimacy lead to thinking; habit also leads to thinking. Even thinking: "Wow, this feels so good! She's amazing!" can pop you out of the actual experience of fully doing and fully sensing.
What happens when you're focused on your thinking is that your "presence" is diminished. A diminishment of presence can have many consequences, e.g. premature ejaculation, inability to climax or lack of intimate connection with your partner.
When you're not fully present, what you feel and how you touch has less potency. If you're thinking about how to do something well, you're diminishing your results too.
If you want what's truly possible in your relationship and in your lovemaking, you want to just
"be" - to let go of your thoughts and simply be in the flow of the moment.
The key to being present - being in the flow - is simple.
Just focus first on your breathing. Focus on taking deep, slow, filling breaths. As your breath becomes slower and fuller, allow your focus to move from your breath to whatever is present right here, right now.
If you're with your lover, begin by making presence your intention. You might silently say to yourself "My intention for this love making experience is to be totally present." This can be powerful, and even more so if you and your partner share it aloud.
Then gently experience yourself doing the following:
Consciously breathe in loving energy, creating a channel of openness from your genitals upward to and then through your top of your head, giving yourself permission to allow pleasure and to allow emotion.
Now, as you exhale, let fears, tension and the distracting thoughts go. Simply breathe out what is getting in your way.
I encourage you to practice this right now so that you can feel this experience of breathing in loving energy, and breathing out tension, fear and distraction. This is a powerful way to anchor yourself in your experience. "Breath focus" will quiet your mind.
This type of breath focus is also used in Steps One and Two of this series: "Heart-Centered Listening" and "Surrendering the Outcome." My encouragement is to practice these presence-enhancing skills in all of your encounters, whether sexual or not. Presence is not just cultivated in the bedroom, but in all of life.
Practice mastering being fully present in your daily conversations. Focus on your breath for A moment and then become fully present to THE moment. As you master presence in your daily life, presence and depth are assured in the bedroom!
All contents Copyright Karen Brody 2007. All rights reserved. Please contact the author for permission to reprint.
The Four Keys to Becoming and Being a Great Lover: A Four-Part Series
Karen Brody, CMT, MA
Key II of IV: The Second Key to Becoming and Being a Great Lover
Surrendering the Outcome
What does it mean to surrender the outcome?
Often when people make love, they have a goal in mind. That goal might be trying out a new position or even reaching a spectacular orgasm. Whatever the goal, the goal becomes the focus of lovemaking, and what's lost is an opportunity to make more love.
Because energy goes where thought goes, when you have a goal in mind, your energy goes toward the goal. When that happens, your capacity for feeling and for deep connection within yourself and with your partner is diminished, sometimes to the point of being lost.
By intentionally surrendering your need or desire to focus on any specific goal or outcome, (you can do this verbally together, or silently) you give yourself over to the mystery the moment. Suddenly the ordinary feels extraordinary, and what was a vague connection to the routine of goals is suddenly a profound dance of opposites.
It’s never about what you do, but how you do it. You may be doing exactly what you've done with your partner for 20 years, and suddenly it feels different, profoundly different within the context of surrender. And that makes sense. You ARE different. You're actually present, feeling fully what you fully feel. Rather than the focus on outcome, you’re in the magical stream of presence, riding the bliss of now.
Surrendering the outcome takes courage. And it takes a willingness and a desire for true and deep connection. Surrendering the outcome is about allowing making love to be an exploration, rather than a performance with specific goals.
Let’s face it; it’s easier to go for the goal line than to open your heart to yourself and to your partner. It’s quicker and less risky to just go for the goal – to go for the orgasm. But when you can surrender that doing and allow yourself to simply be in the stream of loving, making love, whatever that is in the moment without goals, you have opened yourself to the practice of loving. The orgasm may come and it may not. What's key is releasing any demand that it does.
For men, specifically, I encourage you to let go of the goal of bringing your partner to orgasm. This doesn't mean to stop pleasing your partner or fulfilling her requests for orgasm, but to surrender your own need to make it happen for you – and for how it makes you feel about you. Letting go of this is an act of love! It will give your woman the space to express herself in whatever way is natural to her in any moment, without the pressure of having to make you feel good about you! A woman can sense when your drive to make her climax is more about you than her, and it can interfere with the depth of her own experience.
This is a profound practice for people who want that "something more." When we surrender the outcome there is only making love. Then we see what making love truly is. When there is no goal, there is only expression. This is a deep, intimate practice. And, it feels amazing!
For women I encourage you too to let go of focusing on needing, or even wanting, to have an orgasm - or feeling you need to make it happen for your partner. When you are willing to surrender the performance demands you place on yourself, and truly open to just being with whatever is present for you, whether that is pleasure, pain, revulsion or fear – your capacity for loving and healing will deepen ten-fold, as you come to accept and embrace whatever you experience in any moment, without demanding that it be anything else.
All contents Copyright Karen Brody 2007. All rights reserved. Please contact the author for permission to reprint.
Karen Brody, CMT, MA
Key II of IV: The Second Key to Becoming and Being a Great Lover
Surrendering the Outcome
What does it mean to surrender the outcome?
Often when people make love, they have a goal in mind. That goal might be trying out a new position or even reaching a spectacular orgasm. Whatever the goal, the goal becomes the focus of lovemaking, and what's lost is an opportunity to make more love.
Because energy goes where thought goes, when you have a goal in mind, your energy goes toward the goal. When that happens, your capacity for feeling and for deep connection within yourself and with your partner is diminished, sometimes to the point of being lost.
By intentionally surrendering your need or desire to focus on any specific goal or outcome, (you can do this verbally together, or silently) you give yourself over to the mystery the moment. Suddenly the ordinary feels extraordinary, and what was a vague connection to the routine of goals is suddenly a profound dance of opposites.
It’s never about what you do, but how you do it. You may be doing exactly what you've done with your partner for 20 years, and suddenly it feels different, profoundly different within the context of surrender. And that makes sense. You ARE different. You're actually present, feeling fully what you fully feel. Rather than the focus on outcome, you’re in the magical stream of presence, riding the bliss of now.
Surrendering the outcome takes courage. And it takes a willingness and a desire for true and deep connection. Surrendering the outcome is about allowing making love to be an exploration, rather than a performance with specific goals.
Let’s face it; it’s easier to go for the goal line than to open your heart to yourself and to your partner. It’s quicker and less risky to just go for the goal – to go for the orgasm. But when you can surrender that doing and allow yourself to simply be in the stream of loving, making love, whatever that is in the moment without goals, you have opened yourself to the practice of loving. The orgasm may come and it may not. What's key is releasing any demand that it does.
For men, specifically, I encourage you to let go of the goal of bringing your partner to orgasm. This doesn't mean to stop pleasing your partner or fulfilling her requests for orgasm, but to surrender your own need to make it happen for you – and for how it makes you feel about you. Letting go of this is an act of love! It will give your woman the space to express herself in whatever way is natural to her in any moment, without the pressure of having to make you feel good about you! A woman can sense when your drive to make her climax is more about you than her, and it can interfere with the depth of her own experience.
This is a profound practice for people who want that "something more." When we surrender the outcome there is only making love. Then we see what making love truly is. When there is no goal, there is only expression. This is a deep, intimate practice. And, it feels amazing!
For women I encourage you too to let go of focusing on needing, or even wanting, to have an orgasm - or feeling you need to make it happen for your partner. When you are willing to surrender the performance demands you place on yourself, and truly open to just being with whatever is present for you, whether that is pleasure, pain, revulsion or fear – your capacity for loving and healing will deepen ten-fold, as you come to accept and embrace whatever you experience in any moment, without demanding that it be anything else.
All contents Copyright Karen Brody 2007. All rights reserved. Please contact the author for permission to reprint.
Karen Brody, CMT, MA
Key I of IV: The First Key to Becoming and Being a Great Lover
Part 3
In the second segment about the First Key, I wrote about how when it comes to loving, Heart-Centered Listening moves you from good to great. This final segment is devoted to learning and practicing Heart-Centered Listening.
Practicing Heart-Centered Listening
Right now, as you read this, begin to hear as if your heart has ears. Breathe energy into that space inside yourself, inside the center of your chest, and feel your heart come alive.
Listening is about attunement, first to you, then to your partner. So feel your own heart first. Breathe into your heart, and then listen. Listen to you, to your own energetic rhythm.
Even as you hear or read these words, start to let go of the contractions and the tenseness in your body. Surrender the tension in your listening. Surrender the need to agree or disagree with what I am saying. Breathe in what you hear or read and breathe it out. There's no need to attach. This is about listening without work. Just hear. Let it flow in.
A great listener is a great lover because listening is like turning on your beam of love. It's like shining a light on your lover. When you are heard you are received, your energy has been absorbed, felt, accepted. For many of us this in itself is transformative, erotic, heart-opening. As you read or listen to this, breathe out your fears. Breathe out your doubts and your judgments. It doesn't matter if you agree with what I am saying. Just hear it. Just let it go as you exhale.
As you listen more deeply, with less and less effort, with less and less concern, feel the energy of your heart enliven. Feel what it is to unchain your heart. Feel what it is to listen unguarded.
Most of us listen from a point of view, or many points of view. This makes it challenging to hear what is truly being said. What point of view can you breathe out now? What can you let go of in this moment in order to be truly present to the energy of this communication? Breathe in loving energy; breathe out distraction and fear.
When you listen to your lover, you may notice the impulse to act. To do something about what s/he is saying. You may want to create solutions or to "fix" what is wrong. There's a time and place for this.
But for now, practice listening in total presence, without thinking. Hearing in your own heart, letting go of any need, any desire, any habit of wanting to figure out what to say or do while your lover is still speaking.
What you'll notice is that when it's time to respond you'll be able to do so in an even fuller way. It's as if the "message" you are now about to deliver in response to what your lover communicated was "downloaded" while you were on the "being present" channel.
So as you continue, notice your breath. Stay fluid. You want to be clear, so keep your focus on breathing, on your intention to be present and listen with your heart. Good.
What many people discover when they settle into Heart-Centered Listening is that their comprehension and sense of "inner knowing" are greatly enhanced.
"Inner knowing" is different than what comes out of your logical reasoning processes. Inner knowing is what comes to you when you're open. It's information that is felt and perceived without efforting. Some people call this "direct knowing." It's information that you want and then it's there. Inner knowing can be yours by simply quieting your thinking.
Your practice for now is to practice openness in your listening. Notice your judgments and distractions. Notice your fears. How do you feel when you're listening? What are your impulses? Then surrender it all during your exhale. Renew and anchor by intentionally breathing in love, breathing in acceptance.
Great work. This is big.
My encouragement is simply to continue to practice. Continue to practice Heart-Centered Listening – first to yourself, then to others, especially your lover. Become aware of who you are as a listener, as a lover. "Hear" yourself in this process. Hear what gets in the way of your beautiful loving energy, and let it go, thanking it for what benefits it may have brought in the past, and blessing it on it's way as it leaves your life. Anchor in "presence" by anchoring your breath.
My final encouragement for now is to share your new practice with your lover, so that s/he can feel your desire for this change within yourself, and be supportive of your desires for deepening – with yourself, and with him or her.
This may be new for your lover, so as you express yourself, remain centered, and practice the Heart-Centered Listening that you are declaring is important to you. Invite him or her in, gently, with your loving presence, and soon s/he'll be practicing Heart-Centered Listening, too.
All contents Copyright Karen Brody 2007. All rights reserved. Please contact the author for permission to reprint.
Key I of IV: The First Key to Becoming and Being a Great Lover
Part 3
In the second segment about the First Key, I wrote about how when it comes to loving, Heart-Centered Listening moves you from good to great. This final segment is devoted to learning and practicing Heart-Centered Listening.
Practicing Heart-Centered Listening
Right now, as you read this, begin to hear as if your heart has ears. Breathe energy into that space inside yourself, inside the center of your chest, and feel your heart come alive.
Listening is about attunement, first to you, then to your partner. So feel your own heart first. Breathe into your heart, and then listen. Listen to you, to your own energetic rhythm.
Even as you hear or read these words, start to let go of the contractions and the tenseness in your body. Surrender the tension in your listening. Surrender the need to agree or disagree with what I am saying. Breathe in what you hear or read and breathe it out. There's no need to attach. This is about listening without work. Just hear. Let it flow in.
A great listener is a great lover because listening is like turning on your beam of love. It's like shining a light on your lover. When you are heard you are received, your energy has been absorbed, felt, accepted. For many of us this in itself is transformative, erotic, heart-opening. As you read or listen to this, breathe out your fears. Breathe out your doubts and your judgments. It doesn't matter if you agree with what I am saying. Just hear it. Just let it go as you exhale.
As you listen more deeply, with less and less effort, with less and less concern, feel the energy of your heart enliven. Feel what it is to unchain your heart. Feel what it is to listen unguarded.
Most of us listen from a point of view, or many points of view. This makes it challenging to hear what is truly being said. What point of view can you breathe out now? What can you let go of in this moment in order to be truly present to the energy of this communication? Breathe in loving energy; breathe out distraction and fear.
When you listen to your lover, you may notice the impulse to act. To do something about what s/he is saying. You may want to create solutions or to "fix" what is wrong. There's a time and place for this.
But for now, practice listening in total presence, without thinking. Hearing in your own heart, letting go of any need, any desire, any habit of wanting to figure out what to say or do while your lover is still speaking.
What you'll notice is that when it's time to respond you'll be able to do so in an even fuller way. It's as if the "message" you are now about to deliver in response to what your lover communicated was "downloaded" while you were on the "being present" channel.
So as you continue, notice your breath. Stay fluid. You want to be clear, so keep your focus on breathing, on your intention to be present and listen with your heart. Good.
What many people discover when they settle into Heart-Centered Listening is that their comprehension and sense of "inner knowing" are greatly enhanced.
"Inner knowing" is different than what comes out of your logical reasoning processes. Inner knowing is what comes to you when you're open. It's information that is felt and perceived without efforting. Some people call this "direct knowing." It's information that you want and then it's there. Inner knowing can be yours by simply quieting your thinking.
Your practice for now is to practice openness in your listening. Notice your judgments and distractions. Notice your fears. How do you feel when you're listening? What are your impulses? Then surrender it all during your exhale. Renew and anchor by intentionally breathing in love, breathing in acceptance.
Great work. This is big.
My encouragement is simply to continue to practice. Continue to practice Heart-Centered Listening – first to yourself, then to others, especially your lover. Become aware of who you are as a listener, as a lover. "Hear" yourself in this process. Hear what gets in the way of your beautiful loving energy, and let it go, thanking it for what benefits it may have brought in the past, and blessing it on it's way as it leaves your life. Anchor in "presence" by anchoring your breath.
My final encouragement for now is to share your new practice with your lover, so that s/he can feel your desire for this change within yourself, and be supportive of your desires for deepening – with yourself, and with him or her.
This may be new for your lover, so as you express yourself, remain centered, and practice the Heart-Centered Listening that you are declaring is important to you. Invite him or her in, gently, with your loving presence, and soon s/he'll be practicing Heart-Centered Listening, too.
All contents Copyright Karen Brody 2007. All rights reserved. Please contact the author for permission to reprint.
Karen Brody, CMT, MA
Key I of IV: The First Key to Becoming and Being a Great Lover
Part 2
In the initial segment about the First Key, I (wrote / spoke) about how listening is the key that opens the door to becoming and being a great lover. This next segment is devoted to Heart-Centered Listening.
When It Comes to Loving, Heart-Centered Listening Moves You From Good to Great
Heart-Centered Listening is a practice for giving and receiving love. It is a profound practice. If you want depth and intensity in your lovemaking, approach Heart-Centered Listening as a practice, rather than an exercise. Personally, I am deepening my listening skills every day. There are many, many layers to attunement. This is the unfolding of your heart! As you practice this level of openness you'll receive as much as you give!
The most fundamental skill for learning Heart-Centered Listening is to tune into your breath. This is the practice of attuning to yourself.
Think of your breath as your regulator, the kind of valve that's found in the mouthpiece of a scuba tank. It's your on/off valve for your loving energy. By consciously choosing open, fluid breath, you are choosing to receive and offer love.
Practice also using your breath as an anchor - an anchor into the present moment. Your thoughts and your judgments are like mini storms on the sea, and your breath is the anchor that holds your ship steady in unsteady waters. This is about learning stillness in your mind. Anchor your being, your presence, with your breath.
Conscious breathing is an anchoring of attention. Conscious breathing is an anchoring of your mind. Breathe in loving energy; breathe out judgment and distraction. Breathe in what your lover is sharing; breathe out what does not serve you.
True, deep, heart-felt listening is rare and invaluable. Most of us are starving to be heard and never truly are. A great listener is a great lover because listening is like turning on a beam of love. It's like shining a light on your lover. Create your commitment to truly listen, to truly hear, and observe your relationships transform!
Key I of IV: The First Key to Becoming and Being a Great Lover
Part 2
In the initial segment about the First Key, I (wrote / spoke) about how listening is the key that opens the door to becoming and being a great lover. This next segment is devoted to Heart-Centered Listening.
When It Comes to Loving, Heart-Centered Listening Moves You From Good to Great
Heart-Centered Listening is a practice for giving and receiving love. It is a profound practice. If you want depth and intensity in your lovemaking, approach Heart-Centered Listening as a practice, rather than an exercise. Personally, I am deepening my listening skills every day. There are many, many layers to attunement. This is the unfolding of your heart! As you practice this level of openness you'll receive as much as you give!
The most fundamental skill for learning Heart-Centered Listening is to tune into your breath. This is the practice of attuning to yourself.
Think of your breath as your regulator, the kind of valve that's found in the mouthpiece of a scuba tank. It's your on/off valve for your loving energy. By consciously choosing open, fluid breath, you are choosing to receive and offer love.
Practice also using your breath as an anchor - an anchor into the present moment. Your thoughts and your judgments are like mini storms on the sea, and your breath is the anchor that holds your ship steady in unsteady waters. This is about learning stillness in your mind. Anchor your being, your presence, with your breath.
Conscious breathing is an anchoring of attention. Conscious breathing is an anchoring of your mind. Breathe in loving energy; breathe out judgment and distraction. Breathe in what your lover is sharing; breathe out what does not serve you.
True, deep, heart-felt listening is rare and invaluable. Most of us are starving to be heard and never truly are. A great listener is a great lover because listening is like turning on a beam of love. It's like shining a light on your lover. Create your commitment to truly listen, to truly hear, and observe your relationships transform!
The Four Keys to Becoming and Being a Great Lover: A Four-Part Series
Karen Brody, CMT, MA
Key I of IV: The First Key to Becoming and Being a Great Lover
Part 1
This is the beginning of a four-part series about becoming and being a great lover. Part I itself is comprised of three segments, of which this is the first.
Listening is the Key That Opens the Door to Becoming and Being a Great Lover
The best part about becoming a better, or even a great, lover? You can do it right now, and it doesn't cost a thing.
The first key to becoming a great lover is simply to LISTEN.
I would never sleep with a man who didn't listen well. For me, having my lover truly listen, and feeling that I'm being heard is foreplay!
Listening is a fundamental skill. It's one of the foundations of what I call "the art of energetic attunement."
When you want to make love with clarity and depth, you want to be attuned to yourself and to your lover. Listening is "Attunement 101."
Of course, if you were hearing-impaired, you wouldn't "listen" in the same way. I point this out also to emphasize that "listening" happens with far more than just your ears. You'd "listen" more with your other senses. You'd "listen" with your heart.
Heart-Centered Listening is about turning on all of your sense receptors and inviting what is truly present into the magnificent heart center of your Being.
If you imagine your Being as a satellite dish, you'll get a sense of what I'm describing. When you listen well, you're "dialed in." You and your lover are on the same frequency. This level of attunement is like being plugged into a live wire. There is heat and energy.
It takes great presence and courage to listen. Most of us listen half-heartedly. If you're thinking about what your lover is saying as s/he is saying it, you're only half present. To be fully present and fully receptive to listening, you must surrender the need or desire to habit of planning your responses. You must let go of your defense.
Learning to listen without an agenda is a profound experience. What many of my clients discover when I have them begin practicing Heart-Centered Listening is how vulnerable they feel, and this makes sense. Listening without "defense" requires an openness that most of us don't experience often. Basically, you're allowing pure loving energy in, and if you're not accustomed to it, this can be a little scary.
When you are listening fully, from your heart, you're open to being changed. You're open, period. Rather than deciding and planning your response, you're like that satellite dish. Your heart is receiving unfiltered. That's a very potent experience.
When you begin to practice Heart-Centered Listening, you'll most likely particularly notice your judgments – judgments about yourself, and judgments about the other person and what s/he's saying - coming up. You may also notice how difficult it can be to stay fully present, because of the thoughts that come up in your mind and pull at your attention. Just know that these are simply habits. If you want to really attune as a lover, just realize that this is part of the process.
With just a little practice, you can develop your Heart-Centered Listening skills. You CAN become the better lover you'd like to be.
- - -
All content Copyright 2007 Karen Brody. All rights reserved. Please contact me for permission to reprint.
Karen Brody, CMT, MA
Key I of IV: The First Key to Becoming and Being a Great Lover
Part 1
This is the beginning of a four-part series about becoming and being a great lover. Part I itself is comprised of three segments, of which this is the first.
Listening is the Key That Opens the Door to Becoming and Being a Great Lover
The best part about becoming a better, or even a great, lover? You can do it right now, and it doesn't cost a thing.
The first key to becoming a great lover is simply to LISTEN.
I would never sleep with a man who didn't listen well. For me, having my lover truly listen, and feeling that I'm being heard is foreplay!
Listening is a fundamental skill. It's one of the foundations of what I call "the art of energetic attunement."
When you want to make love with clarity and depth, you want to be attuned to yourself and to your lover. Listening is "Attunement 101."
Of course, if you were hearing-impaired, you wouldn't "listen" in the same way. I point this out also to emphasize that "listening" happens with far more than just your ears. You'd "listen" more with your other senses. You'd "listen" with your heart.
Heart-Centered Listening is about turning on all of your sense receptors and inviting what is truly present into the magnificent heart center of your Being.
If you imagine your Being as a satellite dish, you'll get a sense of what I'm describing. When you listen well, you're "dialed in." You and your lover are on the same frequency. This level of attunement is like being plugged into a live wire. There is heat and energy.
It takes great presence and courage to listen. Most of us listen half-heartedly. If you're thinking about what your lover is saying as s/he is saying it, you're only half present. To be fully present and fully receptive to listening, you must surrender the need or desire to habit of planning your responses. You must let go of your defense.
Learning to listen without an agenda is a profound experience. What many of my clients discover when I have them begin practicing Heart-Centered Listening is how vulnerable they feel, and this makes sense. Listening without "defense" requires an openness that most of us don't experience often. Basically, you're allowing pure loving energy in, and if you're not accustomed to it, this can be a little scary.
When you are listening fully, from your heart, you're open to being changed. You're open, period. Rather than deciding and planning your response, you're like that satellite dish. Your heart is receiving unfiltered. That's a very potent experience.
When you begin to practice Heart-Centered Listening, you'll most likely particularly notice your judgments – judgments about yourself, and judgments about the other person and what s/he's saying - coming up. You may also notice how difficult it can be to stay fully present, because of the thoughts that come up in your mind and pull at your attention. Just know that these are simply habits. If you want to really attune as a lover, just realize that this is part of the process.
With just a little practice, you can develop your Heart-Centered Listening skills. You CAN become the better lover you'd like to be.
- - -
All content Copyright 2007 Karen Brody. All rights reserved. Please contact me for permission to reprint.
12/31, 21:02 Welcome to my Blissswave Blog
Hello and welcome to my Blisswave Blog. This entry makes it in just under the 2006 wire, fulfilling two commitments to myself: To season this beautiful page, and to put one foot forward into 2007 before year’s end.
My intention for this blog is to inspire you, the reader. To inspire you to know yourself as your most joyous and most empowered self. I will share great information, outstanding services, and my most tried and true methods for claiming Greater Fulfillment in your life – whether that is sexually, relationally or spiritually.
This blog is also where I’ll make a record of the thoughts, feelings and experiences that I, as a Fulfillment Coach and Counselor, bring to the evolving energetic field of humanity. More succinctly, you’ll have the opportunity to come into my world, and enjoy hearing about what my day is like!
I look forward to sharing my articles and my discoveries with you, and hearing your feedback and your experiences on this path of realization. You can look forward to information that is cutting-edge, significant and useful to your pursuit of Greater Fulfillment in your life, as it is my passion to share my growing awareness of how we can be freer and more at peace.
I will be sharing about the following topics:
How to Be a Better Lover Today!
Making Love Work
Learning to Be a Sexually Embodied Man/Woman
Ejaculation Mastery
What Makes Relationships Work
How to Listen TO Your Heart
How to Listen WITH Your Heart
The Mysteries of Tantra and Tantric Love Making
How to Merge Spirituality and Sexuality in Relationships
And many more.
Glad to have you as a reader of my blog. I’d love your input and feedback, and to have you as a subscriber to my e-zine. Feel free to visit:
http://blisswavetantra.com/survey/
to send me your questions and comments, and receive your free subscription.
Karen Brody, CMT, MA
Founder, Blisswave Tantra
My intention for this blog is to inspire you, the reader. To inspire you to know yourself as your most joyous and most empowered self. I will share great information, outstanding services, and my most tried and true methods for claiming Greater Fulfillment in your life – whether that is sexually, relationally or spiritually.
This blog is also where I’ll make a record of the thoughts, feelings and experiences that I, as a Fulfillment Coach and Counselor, bring to the evolving energetic field of humanity. More succinctly, you’ll have the opportunity to come into my world, and enjoy hearing about what my day is like!
I look forward to sharing my articles and my discoveries with you, and hearing your feedback and your experiences on this path of realization. You can look forward to information that is cutting-edge, significant and useful to your pursuit of Greater Fulfillment in your life, as it is my passion to share my growing awareness of how we can be freer and more at peace.
I will be sharing about the following topics:
How to Be a Better Lover Today!
Making Love Work
Learning to Be a Sexually Embodied Man/Woman
Ejaculation Mastery
What Makes Relationships Work
How to Listen TO Your Heart
How to Listen WITH Your Heart
The Mysteries of Tantra and Tantric Love Making
How to Merge Spirituality and Sexuality in Relationships
And many more.
Glad to have you as a reader of my blog. I’d love your input and feedback, and to have you as a subscriber to my e-zine. Feel free to visit:
http://blisswavetantra.com/survey/
to send me your questions and comments, and receive your free subscription.
Karen Brody, CMT, MA
Founder, Blisswave Tantra
